Spotting

So I got really freaked out this morning when I saw spotting, but it left as soon as it arrived. My doctor says not to worry about it, so I'm not. I also want to edit what I posted yesterday about how far along I am. I am 6 weeks, which means I'm actually in my 7th week of pregnancy (because the 1st week of pregnancy is cycle days 1-7). So, I'm posting what it says on fertility friend's pregnancy page about this week:

Your baby is 0.16 to 0.2 inches long (4-5mm) when measured from crown to rump. It is now identifiable as a human baby.

The limb buds are growing rapidly, developing into little fins with nodules at the ends which will eventually become fingers and toes. The arms have already differentiated into hand and shoulder segments.

The cerebral hemispheres of the brain are growing, and the eyes and nostrils are appearing. Your baby's heart bulges from its body and the heart chambers are divided and formed. Blood vessels now circulate blood throughout the whole body. The head looks large and is bent on the chest.

Your baby's face is forming, but its eyes are on the sides of its head and are still sealed. The discs that will become your baby's eyes will move over to the front of the face over the course of the next few months.

Bone cells are beginning to develop and the outline of the baby's nervous system is complete. The pigment in your baby's eyes can be seen under the skin overlaying them. By this point there is also a pancreas and an appendix. The tail is still visible, but it will soon fade. The umbilical cord is growing and the placenta is maturing as well.

So there you have it. Hopefully the spotting is totally finished until I give birth so I won't have to wear pads any more. (Cuz it's just weird wearing maxi pads when you're pregnant...) But I must tell you, I was SOOOOO freaked out when I saw it. I got all nauseous and felt dizzy because I was so scared. But, no reason to freak out...spotting is aaaaaall gone (IY"H totally gone).

6 Weeks

I can't believe I'm already 6 weeks! Here's what PregnancyWeekly has to say about it:

Your baby's heart is dividing into chambers and will start beating in a more regular rhythm. Your little embryo is about 0.08 to 0.16 inches from crown to rump (about the size of a BB pellet) and looks more tadpole than human. But it undergoes a tremendous growth spurt this week: Its major organs - including the kidneys and liver - begin to grow; the neural tube, which connects the brain and spinal cord, will close this week; and your embryo's upper and lower limb buds begin to sprout, which will form the arms and legs. The intestines are also developing and the appendix is in place; and its facial features are starting to form, the nostrils are becoming distinct, and the retinas of the eyes are forming.

And, for anyone who watched the olympics, here's the best cartoon I've ever seen:

Sunday's Fun Day Charlie Brown...

So I spent this morning in the ER--not to worry, everything's ok. I had a headache yesterday that was different than my usual headaches, so I wanted to get it checked out. The dr in the ER wasn't at all worried about my head and wanted to check in on the little bean, so took my blood and left. A while later a different doctor comes in with an ultrasound machine and informs me that we're going to take a peek inside. Who am I to argue? I was actually quite excited. While he's figuring out the ultrasound machine, my other dr comes in and informs me that my hCG level was up to 46,000...yep, that's right 46,000. Which is MUCH higher than I was expecting (I thought maybe 25,000 or something). But no, my hCG is overachieving this time. On the plus side, I have a nice, high hCG and barely any symptoms, so I hope it stays that way. :-) Anyhoo, they stick the probe thing where it's supposed to go and take a look. One doctor looks at me and says "well, you are pregnant". I was like, "Umm I coulda told you THAT!" lol Anyhoo, we're taking a look around in there and I could definitely see two different sacs, but waited for the doc to tell me what he was actually looking at. So he points to one of them and says "This is a yolk sac and looks great for where you are. We can't see a fetus yet, but that's totally normal for where you are. And this over here looks like it could be another one...it's pretty close, but it does look like a second one." And on the discharge papers it actually says they found twins via ultrasound. So, there you have it. Two yolk sacs, two babies. We'll find out more at my 7 week ultrasound at my RE's office where we'll look for heartbeats, but for now we are looking at 2!! And of course, check out my crazy high hCG levels on the chart below...

Smelly People

I had 3 different people come into the bank today who smelled SOOOO badly. I couldn't tell if it was B/O or if they'd been smoking cigarettes or what, but it was naaaaasty. Now, if it had been 1 person, I could have shrugged it off as just a person being unusually smelly. But 3? No, that's pregnancy. :-) Maybe 1 of them was particularly smelly, but the other ones probably were not--and I just smelled them because my nose is overactive. But good grief! I thought I was going to pass out!

Also, I had THE MOST BIZARRE dream last night. When I'm not pregnant I probably dream less than once a week, but since I've become pregnant I've had at least 3 very weird dreams. In the first one, my husband was trying to divorce me, G-d forbid, and I know that would never happen and it was very strange. In the second one, I was trying to go back to college to get a degree in music (at the college I did actually graduate from) and my middle school music teacher (who is THE BEST music teacher EVER and who now lives in Colorado) was teaching there. (In response to hearing about this dream, my mom said, "Of course you wanted to go back to school...Mr. Ramsey was teaching!") lol In the third dream (the one I had last night), I was having an affair with someone I knew in high school, G-d forbid, which is again something that would never, ever happen and was incredibly bizarre. This is just to show you how bizarre pregnancy dreams are. Although that music dream isn't too bizarre because I've had ones like it...but the other ones were pretty shocking to me. I'd much prefer having nice dreams about my husband...use your imagination on that one. ;-)

Symptoms

Well, although there are times during the day when I almost forget that I'm pregnant because of a total lack of symptoms, there are other times when I'm like "Ok, I got it! I didn't really forget that you're in there!"

Warning--the next two paragraphs discuss various parts of my anatomy, so please do not read them if you don't want to... :-)

Now then, my boobs are very uncomfortable. My boobs have never been uncomfortable before--not even during my period. But they just feel wrong, at times have little painful areas, and my nipples are unhappy too. I think (although it's hard to tell) that they may have grown a bit. They're pretty big to begin with, so it's difficult to tell if they're any bigger...but I believe that they are.

I also think I have a plethora of discharge "down there". Yes, I take progesterone suppositories, but I now only take it once a day and there's no way that the progesterone I put in last night at 11PM is still hanging around today at 6:30PM making things feel squishy.

As for a symptom I don't have--that would be morning sickness. Instead, I'm constantly hungry with no sign of nausea (yet...) I feel like I could just keep eating 24/7. I don't necessarily crave anything in particular, and I don't have any food aversions now that I wouldn't have had pre-pregnancy (I didn't like meat then and I still don't like it). I'm trying to keep a food log so I don't overindulge, but it's hard when you want to stuff your face ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

Final Beta!

So, I had my final beta drawn today. The hCG came back at 6653 mIU/ml and my progesterone came back at 49.5 ng/ml. The doc told me to lower my progesterone to once a day (WOOO) and we scheudled my first ultrasound for 9/2, when I'll be exactly 7 weeks! Levels are still way above average, and here's the chart:

Terrible Loss

One of my fellow bloggers, Jenny, suffered an unthinkable, shocking loss yesterday. She TTCed for 12 cycles and FINALLY got her BFP the same day I did. She's 5 weeks 3 days today, but yesterday her husband passed away. He was 31 and died suddenly from a blocked artery/heart attack. My heart truly goes out to her. Please go visit her blog and leave her a message: Jenny's Blog

Here's a link to an article about her husband: Jenny's Husband

Not Much

Not much going on today--sorry I haven't posted since Friday. My mom was in this weekend, so I was pretty busy. We went to the Science Museum, on a duck tour, to dinner and then to the movies (WALL-E).

Today I made an appointment for my first *real* doctor's appointment (last Friday didn't really count). It will be on 9/9, when I'm exactly 8 weeks. Now I just have to wait until Wednesday when they do my (hopefully) last hCG blood test. At that point (5w 1d) the level should be about 5600 (yes, Nancy, I know...it has to be twins). ;-)

I will post on Wednesday to let everyone know how it went!

Doctor's Appointment and 3rd Beta

So, my doctors appointment wasn't particularly exciting--she said my spotting and cramping are nothing to worry about. I had to sit there for 4 hours waiting, which sucked, and I was terrified that something was wrong because the urine test I took was pretty light. Turns out everything is fine, beta is up to 994 mIU/ml and progesterone is up to 35 ng/ml! Here's my new chart (eep)!

Answers

So, just to follow up on the questions I posed the day that I was terrified (a few weeks ago). I can now answer the last two!

5) What happens if they get a whole bunch of great eggs that fertilize, but they all die before the transfer?

• Well, we know that this is false as I transferred 2 perfectly nice embryos on Aug 1.

6) What if everything goes well (even the transfer and freezing), but I just don't get pregnant?

• And this was also false!!! YAAAY!

So, this just shows you that I don't need to be pessimistic all the time. All of my questions turned out to be completely wrong.

I've been tagged!!

OMG!! I've been tagged! I am so honored and thank Nikki for tagging me today.

The rules of tag are:

Link to the person who tagged you
Post the rules to your blog
Write 6 random things about yourself
Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Here are 6 random things about me:

1) I am Orthodox Jewish, so I keep the Sabbath, keep kosher, wear only skirts, cover my hair, etc. etc.

2) I absolutely LOVE country music (and sing to the radio in my car all the time)!

3) My husband and I are 14 years apart (he is older), and we are both the babies in our respective families...so most of his siblings are old enough to be my parents. (My mother is about 11 years older than my husband's oldest sibling)

Here's a really cute picture I took of him on our second date, so you can see he doesn't look particularly old.



4) I love Harry Potter--love the books, love the movies. I am a complete Potter fanatic. :-)

5) My life is a complete open book--I have nothing to hide and would share nearly any information with anyone who asked.

6) I've been watching Days of our Lives since I was born (with a few years off when I didn't have a TV/VCR in college). Best.Soap.Ever.

Now I need to tag 6 people:

I tag trying to conceive, fuentes, Blue, Sherry, Cate, and Jenn!

Second Beta

So, I got my second beta done today! My hCG came back at 429 mIU/ml (which is more than double) and my progesterone went up to 27.5 ng/ml (which makes me VERY happy). And, as you can see by the chart, my levels are even above the high side for single pregnancies, so we may be looking at twins....eek!

The chart won't do any levels before 14dpo, so it looks a little off.

First Beta is In!

So, I got my first beta done today and the level was 175 mIU/ml (which is AMAZING for 13DPR/10DPT). I'll have a repeat on Wednesday just to make sure it doubles. My progesterone came back as 16 ng/ml, which is not *excellent*, but my doc doesn't think I need to up my dosage. I'm taking the suppositories, so the progesterone is getting absorbed right into the uterus and doesn't make it into my blood as well as it would if I were taking the shots--but the uterus is where we want it to be, so that's ok.

Surprise Birthday Present

Well, I guess G-d really did want to give me a great birthday present...

Earlier in the week I had been testing using OPKs just to see if I could see a rise at any point--and I got the normal VERY light line on Aug 5, 6, and 7 (which is normal and not an indicator of anything...) This also helped to show me that the hCG from my shot was out of my system. Then, once I got home on Aug 8 (after seeing the rainbow), I tested again and got a much darker line (not + for an OPK, but dark). Oops, I had already thrown my pee into the toilet so I would have to wait to do an actual HPT, but knew what I'd see. :-) I waited about an hour and then took a HPT and sure enough, VERY light BFP!!! Could barely see it, but I knew it was there. Mind you I was only 10DPR (7DPT), it wasn't even FMU and I had just peed 1 hour prior.

Today I tested again, also not with FMU and after I had peed about a 1/2 hour earlier...another BFP! This one darker (OPK was definite + this time), so my levels must be going up!! I will test again in the morning just to see a darker line and I will also have my blood test tomorrow. I called the RE's office on Friday to request my BPT be moved up, so they moved it up to Monday (tomorrow) and will also do a progesterone level just to check it.

WOO HOO!!! We did it! Let's just hope this bean decides to stick around! Due date is 4/21/09 (for anyone who is wondering) and I REALLY want to find out the gender by ultrasound when I can!

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yep, today is my birthday--and it just so happens that everyone is celebrating my birthday by starting the Olympics tonight and thinks it's awesome that it's 08/08/08. (I think it's pretty awesome too, to tell you the truth...especially since I have no memories of 8/8/88 as I was only 5). And since all of you just did the math (hmmm she was 5 in 1988, so she must be 25 today...) I can confirm that I am 25 today!!

Now, here's the cool thing of the day. Towards the beginning of the Hebrew Bible, we see the story of Noah and his ark. Towards the end of that story, G-d created a rainbow in the sky as a sign of His covenant with us and to show that He would never flood the earth again. Today, as I was leaving work, I saw that it was absolutely pouring outside; however, it was also bright and sunny. So I ran outside and was thinking, "Where's the rainbow? Where's the rainbow? AHHH There it is!!" Sure enough, G-d had presented me with a rainbow for my birthday. How do I know it was mine? Well, because it's my birthday and rainbows don't exactly happen every day (and I've had an experience like this before...if you're curious, I can put that in another post). I was in desparate need of this, too. I had almost forgotten that G-d is on my side, even when I'm depressed about my situation. G-d has not left me and now I know that He has remembered our covenant and will, in turn, remember me and help me to bear children. That is the best birthday present ever.

Symptom Day

Firstly, my cervix has a mind of its own and it sorta hanging out in its "medium" position (which is better than low, but not as good as high lol). Secondly, I have had the most BIZARRE taste in my mouth all day long. Thirdly, I am completely and utterly exhausted. My eyes are twitching and I'm just pooped. Fourthly, every hour or so I get a weird queasy feeling only for a few moments, but it's strange and noticeable. Not enough to feel *really* sick, but just an "ick, I feel gross" moment. Fifthly, my brain is totally out to lunch. It's just plain not working today. Sixthly, I've been feeling kinda dizzy at times too. Seventhly, I am even clumsier than usual! (And I'm pretty clumsy...) I'm dropping things, banging into walls, etc. Eighthly, (and this is TMI) I've gone to the bathroom a lot today (both #1 and #2)...

Gee, I hope all my symptoms stay! :-D

Going Out of my Mind

I really just can’t take this anymore. I sincerely believe that we’ve failed this cycle. My cervical position is way down, the way it usually is in my LP…with no signs of anything. I just found out that another of my friends is pregnant (and due in December). I’m just wondering why it’s so easy for some and so difficult for others?! How is it that someone can actually get pregnant naturally? With no help from anyone except her husband. Why do I have to try so hard only to be let down every month? Why can’t I just get pregnant already??!! What the HE** is going on???? What does my body fight me? Why do my embryos suck? Why can’t they implant properly? Why don’t they stick? WHY WHY WHY? Why must I cry myself to sleep? And make my husband feel as if he’s done something wrong…which, of course, he hasn’t. Why can’t my doctors find anything wrong? What must we do? What more tests do we need? What other interventions are there? HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE MY OWN CHILD?!?!?!?!?

I seriously don’t know how to deal with this. On the one hand I want a baby so badly that I would do just about anything. On the other hand I really don’t want to care anymore…I don’t want to try anymore and I sure as he** don’t want to take any more shots or have my blood drawn. I just don’t want to cry anymore…

Who am I?

So, my assistant manager has noticed that I'm "not acting myself". Maybe I seem a bit grumpy? She has noticed my rediculously frequent trips to the bathroom and has been joking about it ("Elana, are you in the bathroom again?!?!") I also don't feel quite right...

But here's what makes me nervous. I had a twinge in my lower-left abdominal quadrant earlier in the day--and I've had it before (in non-pregnant cycles). I honestly don't recall if I had it during my pregnant cycle. And my cervical position is pretty low, which is not a good sign for me. I do have a bit of the "metal mouth" taste, but that has happened in both pregnant and non-pregnant cycles...and could be a sign of "not pregnant", since it happened when I miscarried and has happened during AF.

And for those of you wondering, I am using progesterone suppositories--although I am curious as to why everyone wants to know and would love to know why via comment. :-)

spotting

I have never, ever had mid cycle spotting…not ever…Not even when I was on depo provera, not when I was on birth control and it didn’t even happen in January when I got pregnant and miscarried. I have never had even the teeniest spot except after a procedure (IUI, HSG, etc.) And yet (this will be way TMI, so feel free to skip the rest of this paragraph if you’re easily grossed out)…I just went to the bathroom and noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper—not even enough to get into my underwear and I’m not hallucinating. Plus, when I get my period, I spot brown first, not pink and I’m weeks away from AF.

Could it be??? Implantation spotting??? I’m 6 DPR, 3 DPT, so it would be a teensy bit early for implantation, but not out of the ballpark…and that’s much better than late! Plus the fact that my best embryo was growing pretty quickly, so who knows?!?!?! Any thoughts??

And, just in case you were wondering, I've gone to the bathroom at least 4 times in the 2 hours it's been since I had the spotting...

Movers

My wonderful mother sent us a HUGE truckload of furniture today. The movers were fast, efficient and very friendly. Now, what does this have to do with infertility/babies? I'm glad you asked...

As they were leaving, one of the movers turns to me and says, "You are going to be parents soon, right?" And I'm like, "eventually..." And the guy looks at me and says, "Twins?" And I just about nearly passed out and fell down the stairs at that one. But instead I responded, "Who knows?" Now, does he know something that I don't? I mean, yeah, I did transfer two embryos on Friday, but how would he know that? The picture of my embryos was turned face down, so I know he didn't see it and I know my mother would never say anything to them. So where in the he** did he get the idea #1 that I was pregnant and #2 that I was pregnant with twins? If I am, this guy might just be psychic.

Embryos that Vote?

One of my more politically inclined friends has asked me if I've registered my embryos to vote yet. I answered by saying that they're not 18...they're barely 3 days old. So he wants me to register them when they're 18 days and preferrably in a swing state. :-) So then I said, well, we don't have names for them--and we don't know what gender they are. So we sat and came up with names (that will 100% change if one or both of them is born next April). Our final two are Baruch/Bracha (which means blessed) and Nissim/Nesiyah (miracles/miracle of G-d). So my two embryos will now be able to vote for our next president! (not really, but you already knew that...)

And if one or both make it to 18 days+, I will be one happy mommy.

Transfer

So, we had the transfer today! As it turns out, 4 of the 8 eggs did not fertilize and 2 of the eggs that did fertilize did not continue to divide. This isn't so bad...if we do need to try again, with ICSI we can get the fertilization rate up and hope for the best. As for the two embryos that made it to transfer....one of them is 5 cells, grade C, with fair symmetry and the other is 10 cells, grade B, also with fair symmetry.


Aren't they cute? I have no idea which is which--they both look similar to me, which is why I'm not an Embryologist. :-) I dunno what the black splotch is, but it has nothing to do with my babies.

For those of you who don't know about embryo grading, I will give you a crash course.

Number of cells: At a day 3 transfer, the embryo should have between 6 and 8 cells...less than this isn't so good, but more is great!

Letter grade: This refers to the amount of fragmentation present in the embryo. As the cells divide, cellular material may break off and end up between the newly formed cells. An A grade means that there's less than 5% fragmentation, B means that there's between 5 and 25%, C means there's 25-50% and D means that there's more than 50% fragmentation. Obviously, you want less fragmentation--A and B grades are normal.

Symmetry: Cell symmetry describes the evenness of size and distribution of cells in the embryo. This is graded as either good, fair or poor--with good and fair being normal.

Basically, this means we transferred 1 real winner embryo and 1 not so good embryo that still has a chance (and we love them both the same).