Thursday, December 24, 2009

She's Gone...

Shifra left early this afternoon. And I wanted to respond to something that was left in my comments. I did love having Shifra with our family, and I was very hurt when she decided to leave. Sure, she got on my nerves, but so would anyone living in the same house together. My hubby gets on my nerves and I get on his...when I was living with my best friend we definitely got on each other's nerves, so getting on someone's nerves really doesn't mean much. I tried to welcome her into my home in the best way I knew how. I gave her gifts on Chanukkah (and I didn't even get Shmuel anything...) I tried to cheer her up when I knew she was down, I got her foods she wanted to eat, I did anything she asked of me. And I really thought we had a connection, but when she told our childcare coordinator (in front of me) that she felt no connection to my family and wanted to leave as soon as possible, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine what I had done to deserve that. I had no idea what else I could have done to make her feel at home. And here she was practically running out of my house as if I had the plague. She didn't even bother to say goodbye to the twins...and she might not have said goodbye to me if she hadn't needed to give me a note and the cell phone she borrowed from us. I'm still shocked, and it may take me some time to get over that hurt.

In other news, Chana pulled herself up to a stand by herself for the first time yesterday! Yaaaaay! And I'm going to have my MRI on Sunday...whoop de do. :-P I asked the office if they'd be able to do my surgery before Jan 1st, but they said that would be impossible. Greeeeeat, now I'm going to need to pay for part of the surgery (that would've been covered in full had it been done in 2009). Although the nurse in the office said they might not have to do surgery, I'm not particularly hopeful for that outcome. That would just make things too easy, and almost nothing is ever easy for me. :-)


Sarah R said...

I'm sorry, Elana--that really sucks. It sounds like you guys are better off without her, with that kind of attitude.

Yay for Chana pulling herself to standing! That's worth celebrating!

JamieD said...

I am so sorry for all you have been going through the last few days. It would be devastating to hear that Shifra didn't feel like a part of your family when you had done so much to try to include her.

I hope your surgery and recovery are quick and smooth and uncomplicated!

Rebecca said...

Yay Chana! Remember how much harder it is for her, since she weighs so much more :)
As for Shifra, I'm so sorry that this was so sudden and hurtful. At least it was over quickly, like pulling off a bandaid. Remember, you'll get major mitzvah points for her Shiddach and subsequent babies and generations, which wouldn't have happened without you. And you were so generous with her, you are a true tzedekis! Shabbat Shalom Elana!

Deborah said...

I'm so sorry Elana, that is really too bad it didn't work out. Good luck finding childcare - and with the surgery, of course. I can't believe they can't move it for your insurance coverage.

FET Accompli said...

Hi Elana,

I am so sorry about the hurtful things that Shifra said. This is a reflection on her, not on you.

Sending hugs.

WiseGuy said...

Well, having an outsider in the house 24x7 does cause a little friction. If the other person gels well, the friction reduces, otherwise it grates.

I am still not sure why Shifra went so downhill all of a sudden, but given your post, I know that you tried very hard to make her feel welcome and comfortable. I hope you again get some childcare provider soon.

And go Chana!!!

I hope that the fistula is successfully removed and you recover well.

nancy said...

bummer on the surgery, but it seems like if it needs to get done, you'll be in good hands. Too bad it can't all be done in 2009!

linda1019 said...

Hi Elana,

This is Molly's Mom. I always read you, but haven't written before. That is terrible about Shifra. We are enjoying having Molly and her family here. As a Mom of twins, I feel your pain. It is hard to do the twins without help. Good luck to you. Hope things go well for your surgery. Linda

Lisa said...

I've heard this story time and time again from people who hire au pairs. So, even though this girl told the coordinator that she wanted to leave and didn't say goodbye to the twins, I can guess that it wasn't so much about you as about her own difficulty bonding.
One of my closest friends has 4 children 11 yrs and under and relies heavily on the au pair because she works part-time. In the 7 yrs that I have known her, she has had several au pairs happily stay a year and become friends who stayed in touch afterward. However, there was one au pair who left after 3 weeks, another that was such a slob they finally had to sack her, one who ignored the baby and one who said she had to leave the next morning, even though she knew my friend had appointments with patients that day.
I wouldn't let it put you off getting another au pair if you need the help. The kids should be your focus, and the kids should be her main focus too. If she needs your attention all the time, she is in the wrong job.
Lisa (Your Great life - ICLW #51)

Jill said...

Your babies are just so adorable! Glad to hear they are growing and learning new "tricks".

I'm so sorry about your au pair situation. I find it hard to grasp that someone who desires to do childcare bonded with your children so little that she didn't even say goodbye. I wish you guys lots of luck in finding a great new au pair.