Sunday, May 15, 2011

Really Depressed

I'm really depressed about something that's been happening lately, and even though I know the people involved read my blog, I just need the support right now regardless.

First of all, the woman who takes care of the twins on a daily basis is one of my best friends. I love her to pieces because we are so similar, so it's almost as though she's an extension of myself. When something good happens to her, I'm as excited as if it were my own happiness. And when something bad happens, it's as if it happened to me as well. But here's the problem... For some reason some family members got a bad impression of her during a visit to us, and they want me to stop using her as my "day care". At the moment she is doing this "day care" out of my home and also watches 1-2 other kids during the day along with the twins. In Massachusetts there is no problem with this and it's really like having play dates over rather than a true day care. (Actual day care is defined in Massachusetts law as 6 or more children.) These kids' families are also friends of ours, so it's not like she's taking care of strangers. These family members became concerned that we're liable if anything should happen to any of these children (or the "babysitter") since day care is held at our house. This idea is preposterous to me, since we are all friends and would you ever sue a friend because a kid fell down and got hurt at their house? Of course not! Kids are kids and they get hurt. When Dovid hit his chin and needed to go to the hospital, did I blame anyone? Of course not! He's a toddler and he's going to injure himself. And the babysitter is a grown woman. She can take care of herself and would never blame me for her own injuries - unless the ceiling caved in.

Updated to add: I just checked my homeowner's policy, and I'm covered for $300,000 for personal liability (per occurrence) and $1000 of medical payments to others (per person), should something happen in my home. But in Massachusetts, everyone is required to have medical insurance so that $1000 really doesn't matter.

Anyway, I think you have the picture. I'm completely distraught over this because I love my best friend and I love these family members as well. I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt, and I certainly don't want to put my best friend out of a job for no reason. I think she does a fantastic job with my kids, and in one of my next posts I'll tell you about the twins' early intervention assessment from last week. In an nutshell, they've made so much progress over the last 6 months that they no longer qualify! I attribute almost all of that progress to my friend's amazing teaching skills. Why would I want to give that up and lose a perfectly wonderful friendship to boot? But on the other hand, I don't want to lose this family either. Without their support, I don't know what Shmuel and I would do. I've been crying about this, and my stomach has been in knots for days. It's just too much stress for me, and I don't know how to handle it. Someone please wake me up from this nightmare!


Celia said...

They are your children. While your family is trying to look out for you, the ultimate decision of who cares for them is yours.

You are beating yourself up too much about this, chin up! A happy child is the best evidence of good care.

Wehaf said...

It seems like you are happy with the child care situation, but unhappy with your parents' (well-meaning) interference. So keep the child care arrangements (maybe put together some kind of non-liability contract for the other kids for comfort's sake). Regarding your family, if you continue to engage in conversations on this topic with them, they will take that as a sign that they have input into the situation. So stop discussing it with them; if they bring it up, say that you've considered their input, but you've made your decision, and it's not up for discussion.

Good luck. I'm sorry; I know family dynamics can be tough.

St Elsewhere said...

Well, I hope the 'involved' people have read this post of yours. Every party must know what this crisis has wrecked on you.

Even though you say something happened while family was visiting, you haven't specified what, and I am assuming a kid got hurt.

I think you and Shmuel must speak jointly to the family.

It seems you are happy with your babysitter, and your other friends have also trusted you and the babysitter with their kids.

Unless a trust issue is involved or what the babysitter did was outrageous and very careless, I do not see any reason why you should let her go.

But families are important, and I think that you as a couple must talk to them. This will be tough, but it has to be done.

St Elsewhere said...

Just as a precaution, or if the family can install cameras in your living room/wherever the kids play?

areyoukiddingme said...

Here from LFCA -

I think you'll find that there is a certain segment of the population who believes everyone will sue, if the opportunity presents itself. My in-laws refused to cosign on cars for their children because they would be liable in the event of an accident. Instead, they would buy the car in the child's name and have the children pay them in installments for the car. This is completely foreign to me and not at all the way my family operated. And then I cosigned on cars for a loser boyfriend, who proceeded to get parking tickets which were attributed to me...and I see their point.

Maybe, to minimize your resentment of the interference, you could try to look at it as the family trying to protect you. And then tell them that you appreciate their concerns, but you're insured, and you trust your friend and believe she's doing much more than your children would get elsewhere.

Good luck...