Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Bad Dreams

I had the most awful, terrifying, horrible nightmare ever last night. You know how pregnancy can make dreams more intense? And you know how dreams play on your subconscious feelings and fears? Yeah, well this nightmare was a nightmare to end ALL nightmares! Thank G-d it was just a "dream". Ok, I know you're all curious now, so I'll tell you, but first I'm saying a big "pooh pooh" that this should never, ever happen (G-d forbid a million times over) and just because I dreamed it doesn't mean anything.

It took place in a hospital. I noticed that I was bleeding, like heavy, and I was quite freaked out. I kept wandering the hospital going from place to place as the doctors were trying to figure out where I would have an ultrasound. (You know how dreams go...they don't make much sense.) Anyways, I got in for the ultrasound and you could see the baby floating around in there. There was no heart beat (pooh pooh!!!) but for some reason it looked to me to still be moving (bouncing around, flailing arms, etc.) In my dream I was screaming "NO! NO! NO!" And then I woke up. You know how sometimes you wake up all of a sudden and you feel like you fell into the bed? It was like that...and I was in a cold sweat. I knew it wasn't real, but I was still pretty freaked out. I went to the bathroom (not actually to check for bleeding...it's because my bladder was full!) and then went back to bed. I did have a "part 2" of the dream where I was back in the hospital, but I can't really remember anything from that one.

In any case, even though I knew all was ok, I still checked the baby's heartbeat when I got back from school. And there it was, beating away like usual at 153bpm. I know that the miscarriage risk for someone at almost 15 weeks is pretty low, but I guess deep down the fear is always there, especially when you have a history of cervical issues. Thank goodness I have an ultrasound next week so we can start checking up on that. Wow, does that bring back memories... :-)
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