Sunday, October 14, 2012

Another Update & (In)fertility News

I finally got an email from Steve this morning...but it was just telling me that he still hadn't spoken with Eoin but he will do so tomorrow and get back to me. Ugh! I had a total heart attack seeing that he had finally emailed and BOOM nothing new at all. But we emailed back and forth a few times with him giving me tips on where to go and what to see in London, and any suggestions from my readers is more than welcome.

As for Eoin, he finally announced the venue - Thistle City Hotel, Barbican, Central London. Yesterday's hints on surprise guests were: "I don't believe it but a certain guest will be there" and "two very special guests....you may never see them at one of these conventions again..." Today's clue is: "just can't announce them yet, out of respect for them, they are quite private....hint hint" *fingers and toes crossed that it's Colin & Brad*

In (in)fertility news, I actually chucked out my birth control when I randomly got my period at the beginning of October. I had been on the mini-pill which meant no periods since last May (woo!), and then all of a sudden I got a surprise when October hit...and not a happy surprise. lol I asked hubby if he wanted me to stop with the pills, and he surprised me by not refilling them. Ohhkay... I haven't been temping or anything interesting like that, but since I'm a control freak who likes to know what's going on, I decided to take some OPKs to see if I might actually ovulate. I'm not on Metformin or any other interesting medication, I've just lost a crapload of weight and am at the lowest weight I've been at in many years, so I figured maybe my body might just figure itself out. Well, you could've knocked me over with a feather yesterday while I stared at a + OPK...on cycle day 13. WTF?!? Day 13? Seriously? I have not ovulated this early since I was a teenager... And I can tell I'm ovulating, too...my left ovary was twinging at me last night and the cervical mucous is, well, noticeable. I'm in complete shock actually ovulating on day 14 of my cycle...something that "normal" women do. Me? Normal? As if...

But the funny thing is that I have no overwhelming desire to become pregnant this month. If it happens I'll be shocked beyond recognition and luckily will have 9 months to let it sink in. At least by the time a baby would be born I would be finished with nursing school, the twins would be almost 4 1/2 and Tzipora would be 2 1/2. The twins would be getting ready to start pre-school and Tzipora would be starting play group. The twins would also be potty trained, so I would go back to only two in diapers (WOOOO). And for me an infant is very easy to take care of...I would do it any time. By the time a future baby would turn one and be out of infant territory and mobile (ie causing trouble), the other kids would be much older and hopefully getting into less trouble...maybe even helping out? So it's not as crazy a prospect as it would seem...four under the age of five. Well, maybe it is crazy, but I still would like to complete my family (6 kids?) before I turn 35, and I'll be 30 next August.

It just feels strange to be TTC with no feelings one way or the other about being pregnant. I think there are a few reasons for my hesitation on becoming pregnant, or rather my lack of excitement about it. First of all, my birth with Tzipora was very, very painful. Yes, it was short, but it was excruciating. The thought of going through that again is terrifying to me. My doula was incredible with trying things, but it was just overwhelming. I need to think of something (besides just getting an epidural when I arrive) to help with that. Secondly, while I will have just finished nursing school and hopefully will have already passed the boards, I want to start midwifery school immediately and don't want to have a conflict with orientation or have to put it off. I'm hoping that since it's midwifery school they would allow me to bring a baby with me for the week, but who knows. Third, I really want to have another son, and I am completely terrified of getting pregnant with another girl and really tipping the scales off balance. No, that fear isn't going to go away no matter when I'm TTC, but it's still something that makes me hesitant and nervous about the whole thing. I love Tzipora Sara and can't imagine her as anyone else, but I still don't want to have that feeling of disappointment that I had last time. I don't want to be one of those families with 5 girls and 1 boy. If anything I would have preferred 5 boys and 1 girl! I so want to give Dovid a brother to play with, although he is quite attached to Chana. He just really needs another male around...

So, that's the scoop. I am hoping for an epic update tomorrow from Steve and will let you know when I hear from him.

1 comment:

Rattify said...

There's no rush... if you're not eager for a baby right now, then you are probably not ready yet. You'll want your baby when s/he comes.

Congratulations on losing the weight! Your body must be feeling so much stronger!